How to deal with weight gain from chronic dieting and disordered eating

[Disclaimer: The content of this article is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, health care or eating disorder treatment.]

Our bodies fluctuate throughout our lifetime. We will probably not be the same size forever and that is completely normal. However, if we put ourselves through a period of excessive dieting, restricting food, binge eating, emotional eating or excessive exercise, the fluctuation will be much more extreme. We might “rebound” after trying the Whole 30 or Paleo diet. We might binge eat after doing a juice cleanse. Or, we might finally decide we want to recover from years of disordered eating and finally seek help. I have done all of the above. Weight gain is a direct and much needed result. Much needed, because our bodies need to regain weight, in order to find balance and stop weight cycling.

We blame ourselves for our weight gain

My body has been all kinds of shapes and sizes. I would go as far as thinking that I probably lost and regained thousands of pounds in the past 12 years of chronic dieting, restriction and over-exercise. One might think that I learned the first time around that my body is not meant to be the size I wanted it to be. Yet, I blamed my “lack of willpower” and just kept on going. I kept gaining and losing weight constantly, while obsessing over tracking my food, my exercise and my weight.

Finally, last year, I sought out help. I surrendered to my body’s needs. I re-fed my body and gained weight, slowly but surely. My body eventually stopped gaining weight when it reached its comfortable happy place.

So, there I was. Having gained probably 30-40 pounds, if not more. How did I deal with the aftermath of my weight gain? How do I teach my students and clients to handle the aftermath without going back to old destructive behaviors?

Here are 5 things you might be going through and how you can manage to stay on the right track to recovery.

1. The awkward silence from people around you or people you haven’t seen in a while

Instead of complimenting you on how “great” you look (read: how much weight you’ve lost), all you hear is awkward silence. Why? Because we are taught to only congratulate people on losing weight. We are taught that gaining weight is a sign of laziness, of letting oneself go. None of that is true. Gaining weight is sometimes the one thing we have to do to get healthy.

I had a hard time accepting that awkward silence. Here is what I did: I analyzed exactly what made me uncomfortable about this.

Was it an identity crisis? Going from “fitness girl” to “average girl”? Was it a feeling of resentment towards these people for getting me hooked on compliments in the first place? Was it grief towards that old body of mine?

These are some questions you can ask yourself.

For me, it was all of the above. I had to learn to accept those feelings of mine and let them move through my body. I had to slow down, instead of panicking and going back to old habits. After all, I am learning that I don’t need the validation of others to know my worth.

And neither do you. You are worthy no matter what.

What NOT to do

Stop talking about how much weight you have gained. It seriously helps no one. Yes, maybe your friends will comfort you for a minute or two, but in reality you will feel just as crappy as you did before. Instead, I encourage you to take a step back and be curious as to why you think weight gain is the end of the world. Spoiler alert: It isn’t. Compliments on our bodies can be toxic. Proactively, you can be mindful of commenting on other people’s bodies in an effort to have conversations about other, more important things. If you compliment them, make a comment on their brilliance, their intelligence, their fun hair colours or their witty humour. THAT’S a true compliment that goes so much deeper than our appearance.

2. Feeling uncomfortable with getting intimate with your partner

This was a biggie for me. My husband and I didn’t have sex for a couple of months, because I hated my body so much. The irony of it all is that by hating on my body in front of my husband, he felt less and less compelled and comfortable enough to even make a move. This, in turn, made me feel rejected.

Our self-hate pushes our partners or lovers away. Just like it doesn’t help to talk about how much you hate your body in front of your friends, it doesn’t help to talk about it with your partner.

My husband and I had a long talk at some point. He shared with me that our partners usually don’t care if we put on weight. They love us for other reasons. They love us for our confidence, our drive, our passion. Our body is only a small part of who we are. He challenged me to stop saying negative things to my body in front of him.

Six months later, I still haven’t said a single word about my body to him. You know what else happened? I stopped saying these things to myself as well. As a result, I am so much more comfortable in my skin, simply because I CHOSE to stop being mean to my body.

I challenge you to try it. It is so worth it.

3. Self loathing and buying new clothes

I put these two things together for a reason. It’s almost a chain of things. We try and squeeze ourselves into our tiny clothes from the past. They don’t fit. We throw a tantrum, we hate ourselves. Then, when we buy new clothes, we hate ourselves even more.

I hear you. It sucks to buy new clothes. It sucks to be a bigger size. But why does it suck so much? Isn’t it just a number? Why do we let a number dictate our worth as a human? Why do we let a number make or break our days?

It doesn’t have to be this way. You CHOOSE which thoughts you take action on. You CHOOSE which thoughts become your reality.

Evidently, our bodies will always fight weight loss. They were comfortable in their old size before, so they will do anything to get back to their comfortable weight. 

Once you see it this way, you can cut yourself some slack. All our bodies want is for us to be comfortable. And THEY deserve to be comfortable as well. They deserve to be wrapped in clothes that don’t cut into our skin and that we can move freely in.

Once you learn to not take action on this little voice in your head that tells you that bigger clothes are bad, it will get much easier.

Taking action vs. acknowledging your thoughts about weight gain

Once you stop taking action on those old thoughts and old stories you keep telling yourself, you will be able to let go.

You will realize that clothes are simply a way of expressing ourselves, but they don’t determine your value as a human.

They are just, well, there.

Nowadays, I wear clothes that fit comfortable and I don’t care what size they are.

I don’t listen to the inner voice that (once in a blue moon) still chit chats into my ear. “Smaller is better. You should lose weight.” I simply chose to let the voice chat away, while being kind and compassionate towards myself. I acknowledge the voice for a moment and then set it free without taking action on it.

We determine our worth. We determine what to take action on.