3 Reasons Why Perfectionism is the Enemy of Joy

Have you ever had one of those days…

…where you run around like a mad woman, but you feel like you get absolutely nothing done?

I sometimes have days where I feel like a complete mess and I know exactly what my problem is: 

My perfectionism.

I sometimes throw around the sentence “I am a perfectionist!” like it’s no big deal and just some quirky character trait of mine.

However, if I’m truly honest, it’s the most painful, frustrating and alienating part of being me.

What it means to be an anxiety-ridden perfectionist

When I have “one of those days”, I easily spend over 2 hours researching the topic of my Instagram Post. Then, I spend hours editing a Podcast episode and my Pinterest content, craft long E-Mails that take 45 minutes to write, only to come to the conclusion that I have to start from scratch, because nothing is worth publishing.

“This is not your best work. It’s not good enough. YOU’RE not good enough…at anything! You are painfully average at everything you do!” my perfectionist-voice screams at me almost every single day.

I am successful at what I do, I know this from an outside perspective. Yet, some days I feel like a fraud.

Like an imposter and a “fake professional”.

As the day progresses, my anxiety starts spiralling and I feel paralyzed. At some point during those days, I simply can’t take the anxiety anymore. I collapse on the floor and scream into my pillow, because I get so frustrated with myself.

Why anxiety and the need to be perfect often intertwine

I decided to share this, because I want you to see the reality of what it means to be a Type A perfectionist with bouts of severe anxiety:

It can suck big time. The fear of failure and constant self-doubt can take a huge toll on my happiness.

Luckily, I have taught myself a few ways of overcoming my fear of failure, self-doubt and perfectionist-tendencies. By understanding why my perfectionism holds me back from being happy, I am able to reframe my mindset on most days and shift into positivity, hope and trust in myself and my abilities.

3 Reasons why Perfectionism is the enemy of Joy

1. Your standards of “perfection” change every single day, because you keep raising the bar for yourself.

If you are anything like me, your standards for yourself are extremely high, while you cut others some slack fairly easily. You are kind to other people, compassionate and caring, but you are a drill sergeant towards yourself. Once you reach a certain level of expertise at something, you expect yourself to aim higher, be better and be perfect at it.

2. You never ever stop to reflect and see how far you’ve come. You are always racing and comparing.

Have you ever achieved something you set out to do, only to immediately set a new goal? I know the feeling. Our world is fast-paced and there’s always room to grow, however, when you never give yourself credit for anything you achieve, you will never be happy or feel accomplished.

3. You are letting other people decide how worthy you are. 

I am guilty of comparing my beginning to someone’s “middle”, meaning, I compare my newbie-skills at something – say, hosting a Podcast – to somebody that has been doing it for 5 or 10 years. Of course I am not going to be as good as them. Still, I let this feeling completely derail me.

Once we start the comparison game, we have already lost at being happy.

How to shift your mindset into self love and joy

I will say this again and again, self love is the answer. By “self love”, I don’t mean arrogance or narcissism.

Self love means that we care for ourselves as much as we care for other people.

This makes room for self compassion, for cutting ourselves some slack and for understanding that we deserve to be happy, even if we are not perfect.

It also makes room for a sense of self worth, regardless of where we are in our journey.

By understanding our fears and doubts and taking action on reframing our thoughts, we are able to create more joy, happiness and meaning in our lives. When we build up our sense of self worth and care for our well-being, the room for perfectionism gets smaller and smaller, until we are finally able to set it free.

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