3 things that helped me cope with prenatal anxiety and depression
Before I dive into my own experience and what helped me cope, let’s start with the symptoms of prenatal anxiety and depression, so that you can see if any of them sound familiar (source)
What are some signs of depression and anxiety?
Women with depression or anxiety around pregnancy tell us that they feel:
- Extremely sad or angry without warning
- Foggy or have trouble completing tasks
- “Robotic,” like they are just going through the motions
- Very anxious around the baby and their other children
- Guilty and like they are failing at motherhood
- Unusually irritable or angry
They also often have:
- Little interest in things they used to enjoy
- Scary, upsetting thoughts that don’t go away
Even as I wrote the title of this Blog post, I paused at the word “depression”.
The truth is that the stigma around anxiety has lessened significantly in the past few years (yay!), but when it comes to depression, it still makes people uncomfortable.
It makes me uncomfortable. But… it’s part of my journey now and we need to take out the stigma that comes with this word, so that we can make peace with it if we experience it.
As someone who used to pride herself in how good she was taking care of her mental health, I was slapped in the face with the feeling of impending doom that overcame me in the first trimester of my pregnancy.
How it started
I remember it so clearly. It started very early on, before I knew that I was pregnant.
All of a sudden, I had a hard time waking up in the morning.
I’d notice thoughts like “what’s the point in even getting up. It’s just the same monotonous life all over again.” It was thoughts I don’t remember ever experiencing before, no matter how hard a time I was going through.
Every day became harder and harder to function. Some mornings, I would wake up crying and I couldn’t remember why. But I couldn’t stop. The crying spells were scary. The sadness was overwhelming, because I couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from.
I just couldn’t gain any control over how I felt, no matter what self-care activity I would engage in. All I wanted to do was lie in bed and let the world pass me by.
If you have experience with anxiety – something I have dealt with for years and years – you know that the feeling of losing control is a huge trigger for an anxious person. So it only makes sense that my anxiety was compounded by those feelings of despair and hopelessness.
Expecting the relief that never came
I dealt with all of this quietly for a few weeks, until my husband urged me to take a pregnancy test after I had been late a couple weeks. I was convinced that I couldn’t possibly be pregnant, after we had been trying for 7 months with no luck.
Turns out, I was 7 weeks pregnant! Which was supposed to make me feel ecstatic. Relieved. Happy.
Instead, I felt overwhelmed and picked a huge fight with my husband that day. The sadness didn’t subside, so the very next day, I booked an appointment with my therapist.
The appointment that changed everything
The appointment with my therapist was the catalyst that helped me understand how normal and common prenatal anxiety and depression are. That there are ways to help ourselves through this challenging time. Without the shame. Without the guilt of thinking “but I should be happy about being pregnant”. No. No. We can be happy and also go through a hard time. And we can seek help and support.
And this is why I am writing this Blog post. To share with you 3 things that helped me cope with prenatal anxiety and depression.
I didn’t even know that it existed, until I talked to my therapist, my OBGYN and, subsequently, was referred to a mental health program for expecting mothers in Toronto, Ontario.
Here are 3 things that helped me cope
- Understand the statistics and how normal it is to experience these symptoms
Studies show that an estimate of 7-20% of women experience prenatal depression. There are no firm estimates on prenatal anxiety, but it is estimated that the numbers are much higher. (source)
I personally believe that the numbers are a lot higher, but that a lot of women (much like myself) are scared to come forward about experiencing anxiety and depression during a time where we are “supposed to” be nothing but happy and excited.
Once I entered the mental health program that my OBGYN referred me to, I was able to talk to a psychiatrist, who screened me for prenatal anxiety and depression. After she officially diagnosed me, she paused for a moment and said:
“You know, you are absolutely not alone in what you’re going through. I want you to know that I speak to countless women every single day that go through exactly what you’re going through.
It is SO much more normal than you think and it is NOT your fault.
The crying spells, the confusion, the hopelessness. It happens to so many.
Now that we know, we can take steps to help you feel better, so your chances of postpartum anxiety and depression will become much lower, too.”
If I could have hugged her in that moment I would have. Unfortunately, COVID19 had already taken over our country and all sessions were virtual.
Bottom line: You are not alone. You may feel like you are failing at the whole pregnancy-thing or that you are/will be a bad mother. But don’t let those feelings define you, because they are not rooted in truth. Your hormones are on a rollercoaster and can cause all kinds of thoughts and feelings that aren’t true.
Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. There are millions of us, holding your hand in spirit, walking this path alongside you, because we have been there, too.
2. Build a toolkit of resources and coping skills – including medication if need be
Here are the coping skills that helped me personally:
- Protect your sleep! This is a quote from my psychiatrist. Getting a high quality sleep will help balance out that hormonal roller coaster.
- Drink lots of water. Keep your body hydrated.
- Move your body every single day, even if it’s just a 15 minute walk
- Journal or write about how you are feeling
- Feed yourself adequately – don’t skip meals.
- Take a prenatal vitamin and a DHA supplement / fish oil – I like this prenatal vitamin and this DHA supplement.
- Breathing techniques to calm down your body – such as box breathing (link)
- Meditate, even for 5 minutes per day (I used the Calm app)
- Cry it out; yes, it helps!
- Give yourself time to rest without feeling guilty. Schedule “rest time” into your day if that helps.
- Schedule weekly therapy appointments (I use BetterHelp.com and have a link for 10% off your first month –click here to check it out)
You can also check out this Blog post, where I share all the things that helped make my first trimester more comfortable.
3. Talk about it openly and take charge of your mental health
The last one goes without saying, but it’s probably the most difficult step: Talk about it.
I know, I know. There is still so much stigma. And you have to make a point in bringing it up to your OB. When I brought it up to mine, I definitely felt a little judged. Maybe it was in my head, maybe it wasn’t.
But ultimately, who cares if someone were to judge you?
This is your journey, your life. You want to make sure you take care of you and baby.
That is your top priority right now.
Start by opening up to your partner or someone you trust will listen without judgment. If you have trouble with the idea of walking to your doctor about it, ask your partner or best friend to come with you during your next appointment for support.
Ask your doctor for a referral to a mental health program or any other resources that you can make use of during this time.
Shame and guilt will get you nowhere. Opening up will.