[Disclaimer: This article is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, mental health care or eating disorder treatment.]

The RU Okay Day

September 14 was the official RU okay day in 2017. RU okay is a suicide prevention charity that raises awareness about anxiety and depression. They have such an amazing mission that resonates with so many of us. Seeing instagram posts with this hash tag all over my feed gave me the extra push towards opening up about my own history with anxiety and depression.

Mental health is a hot topic in the media these days. It is still pretty taboo to talk about in public or even with close friends and family, because it makes people uncomfortable. However, organisations like RU okay help in making it more mainstream and “okay” to open up.

Being suicidal does not have a face

I came across an article on BBC news about a mum tackling depression. She has such a powerful message, because we truly do not know what is going on in people’s lives based on how they look. It is definitely worth a read. I almost wanted to post a similar picture, because I felt so moved.

I went through various stages of either depression or anxiety and it started out at a very young age for me. The first bad thoughts came at about age 12. It may or may not have been my puberty hormones making my depression so bad, I am not sure. However, up until now I had never really talked about this with anyone.

Speaking up at home was a no-go

I remember being on a school excursion in Germany and so excruciatingly depressed. We were staying at a hostel back then and I seriously considered jumping out the window at some point. I just didn’t want to keep living. It was bad. However, I never felt save to open up about it to anybody, except my journal. Nowadays, I am aware that depression runs in my family and some of us are more affected than others. However, to this day, we do not talk about it. We all know that we suffer, but we suffer in silence. Feeling save enough at home to open up is a big deal that many of us don’t ever experience.

I will never forget this moment at the school excursion, as it was my early rock bottom. Over the next few years, the depression went away as I started making new friends and experiencing life as a teenager. Parties, drugs, boys and going out put an invisible wall between me and my depression for years.

Say what you want about avoiding a mental health condition. In my case, it truly saved my life.

Masking my anxiety with my eating disorders

Fast forward a few years, I started using food or restricting food as a means to “manage” my anxiety. Every minute of every day, I worried about what other people thought of me. I worried about making everyone love me. I worried about not being perfect at everything. In conclusion, I worried about feeling like a failure.

For about 12 years, I pursued the perfect body. Looking back, I was convinced that looking perfect on the outside will make me seem successful at life. And if we are honest, when we look at someone with a perfect body, we definitely assume that they have their lives together. It makes sense and sadly so, because whenever I looked “perfect” I was the biggest mess inside. Yet, I never talked about it and rather enjoyed all the praise and compliments from other people.

If you are interested in my whole story on my eating disorders, click here.

Putting on a show at work

I work as a personal trainer and group fitness instructor. My job is to motivate and inspire other people to live happier, healthier lives. Back when I first started, I felt like a fraud. I always put on a mask at work. I felt like a fraud, because I was telling people how to live their lives, yet I was a total mess.

These days, I am okay with putting on a show. I know that it is part of the job and I know that I am good at making other people feel better. It is a gift and I shouldn’t throw it away because of my anxiety.

I know that I have people in my life that I can be vulnerable around and that is enough for me. My point is, that you should never feel like a fraud if you have to put on a happy face in any circumstances. As long as you know that you do have people in your life, where you can take off your mask, it is enough. Reaching out for help is always an option, but we do need to be mindful of the circumstances and the people that make us feel save enough to pour our hearts out. Some circumstances and some people are not right for this, and that is okay, too.

Just know that if you decide to reach out for help, it does not turn you into a “nut case”. I say this, because this is how I felt, when I first reached out. Most of us have experienced these thoughts in one way or another. It does not make us crazy, it makes us human.

7 tips for dealing with anxiety or depression

Being happy can be hard work. We are not all born with the ability to always see the good in every situation. However, we are all capable of shifting our mindset and managing our mental health to some degree. Here are some tips that will hopefully help you out.

1. Set intentions for the day, rather than to-do lists. To-do lists can be overwhelming for some people as we look at the millions of things we have to accomplish in one single day. If a to-do list helps you, great. In my case, I can get very anxious knowing I will probably not get everything done. Reframing a to-do list into a “intention-list” sounds more compassionate. You are setting the intention to tackle these tasks. If you get everything done, that’s awesome and if not, it is also okay. You can always set the intention to do the rest tomorrow.
2. William Gibson said it perfectly: “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” Get rid of people that do not bring out the best in you. If you always spend time with people that make you feel bad or always see the negative in everything, you will find yourself feeling worse every time you hang out. The same counts for social media. If you follow people that don’t put out a positive, encouraging, inspiring message, you will always feel crappy after you scroll through your feed. It is so powerful to pick the people you spend your time with wisely.
3. Your disordered eating could be a symptom or the cause of your mental health. Reach out for help if you suffer. Eating disorders are often a symptom of anxiety or depression. Whenever I restricted food, I felt anxious. Whenever I binged on food, I felt depressed. Food was one of the reasons my mental health got so bad. However, I could also argue that I developed an eating disorder out of my anxiety. It can go both ways, so being aware of this could help you to finally reach out for help.
4. GET HELP. It took me almost 12 years to reach out to a professional and it was life-changing. If you think that your mental health is not bad enough, think twice. We always think that other people are worse off than us, but the truth is that there is no comparison in mental health. If we feel less than good, we have the right to get help. Working with a therapist or a coach can speed up your recovery big time.There are many professionals and websites out there that provide help. Even if you just reach out to your partner or a close friend, it is the first step.
5. Practice gratitude. You have heard me say this before and I will always repeat it. Having a gratitude journal or even typing 3 things you are grateful for into your phone right now, can help shift your mindset. Knowing that you always have blessings in your life, no matter how bad you may feel, can help. You may find this stupid at the beginning and very woo-woo, but give me the benefit of the doubt and try it.
6. Medication may help you initially. This may be controversial to mention, but I do believe that taking medication to manage your mental health can be beneficial. It is not the end all be all and going to therapy may be a necessary combining factor. However, the stigma attached to anti-depressants makes no sense to me. I take medication to manage my thyroid-condition, so why do we not attach any stigma to synthroid? Because it is a health concern that I need to address with medication. In my opinion, managing anxiety and depression with medication can be life-saving. It doesn’t work for everyone, but if it works for you, there is no shame in giving it a try.
7. Be vulnerable. If you haven’t read Brene Brown’s books on vulnerability, you should definitely get your hands on them. They are life changing. I recently listened to a podcast with her and it really touched my soul. Her message is that “being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of courage. You can not be courageous without risk, uncertainty or emotional exposure”. Vulnerability is all of those things. When you are vulnerable, you risk making someone uncomfortable, you are uncertain of the outcome of your action and you are completely exposing yourself emotionally. It is courageous to be vulnerable and it creates meaningful relationships in our lives. As for me, my life really began when I embraced vulnerability and finally decided to be real.