Binge eating (or extreme hunger in response to food deprivation) is one of the most isolating behaviors, because of the shame and guilt we experience afterwards.

The most memorable experience for me was a Wednesday-evening in October 2016.

It was about a month after my wedding – for which I had dieted harder than ever – and my husband was supposed to be gone for work.

However, he came home early to surprise me and walked in on me sitting on the kitchen floor, surrounded by candy wrappers, empty ice cream cartons and half-eaten cereal boxes.

I remember the all-consuming feeling of shame that night.

I felt completely exposed.

All I wanted was to hide and come up with an excuse as to why I was sitting on the kitchen floor, crying and physically unable to move.

He looked at me puzzled and confused, but most of all, worried.

I could tell that he kind of knew what had been happening for many years, but didn’t know how bad it was, until he saw me that night.

(Read more about my story here and here)

My secret was no longer a secret and I knew then and there that I had to take action and change my relationship with food, so that I could live my life without being held back by self-sabotage.

1. I was afraid my body would change and that I would gain weight exponentially

The idea of being or staying in a small body held me back from healing for many years. The problem is that we are taught to believe certain things about a smaller body.

Here is what I believed, without even being aware of it until my recovery:

I thought I was more worthy as a human if my body was smaller.

With all the messages we are fed on a daily basis, it is no surprise that the majority of women still believe that being thin equals being more successful, more lovable, more attractive to others and generally more worthy and enough.

I had to understand how all of my beliefs were not serving me or making me a better person.

It’s hard to come to terms with possibly gaining weight. I am the first one to admit that it was a mind game seeing my body change.

However, once I surrendered to the fact that my body isn’t supposed to be as small as I wanted it to be, my relationship with food changed for the better.

The pressure was lifted off my shoulders and it felt liberating.

2. The fear of “losing control” around food kept me going back to restriction

If you are a Type A perfectionist like me, you will be able to relate to this: We enjoy being in control of things. Not being in control means instant panic.

While I am still working on this mindset in other areas of my life, I have now let go of this mindset when it comes to food and my body.

Why?

Because our bodies are actually designed to be in control of our food intake and our weight. We are born with a natural sense of hunger and fullness.

If it wasn’t for all the dieting and restriction we put our bodies through, those natural hunger- and fullness cues would take care of our food habits.

Our body and brain is designed to tell us when, what and how much to eat by regulating certain hormones, like ghrelin (hunger hormone) and leptin (fullness-/satisfaction hormone).

The reason these hormones may be out of whack is because our bodies have gotten used to a state of famine (read: food deprivation) and possibly feasting (if you are struggling with binge eating/extreme hunger).

That is why we have to hand over the control to our bodies, so they can regulate their hormones and balance out hunger and fullness over time.

Once you truly let go of the idea that you have to control your body’s hunger and fullness, there will be no need to micromanage anymore!

3. I didn’t realize how much I was missing out on holidays, family events, friendships and important moments in life

This was a big one (and a painful one) for me to come to terms with.

I had missed out on so many beautiful experiences in my late teens and twenties due to my issues with food.

For so many years, I would either stay at home so I “don’t get tempted around food” or binge eat in secret and then isolate myself.

I had to make peace with the fact that I let food and my body image get in the way of living my life for so long. The good news is that I still had the rest of my life to live and make memories! And so do you, my friend.

[Disclaimer: The content of this article is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, health care or eating disorder treatment.]