Binge eating (or extreme hunger in response to food deprivation) is one of the most isolating behaviors, because of the shame and guilt we experience afterwards. The most memorable experience for me was a Wednesday-evening in October 2016. It was about a month after my wedding – for which I had dieted harder than ever - and my husband was supposed to be gone for work. However, he came home early to surprise me and walked in on me sitting on the kitchen floor, surrounded by candy wrappe[...]
Lately, people have been asking me the following question: “How did you become so confident in yourself after going through so much self-doubt and feelings of failure in the past? How can I become more self-confident?” While I am happy to hear that I come across as confident, I also know that I worked very hard to rebuild my self-esteem, because it was at a zero. You see, I grew up in a family that valued modesty, avoided tough conversations and shied away from criticism. I was ra[...]
Out of sheer curiosity, I googled the title of my article before publishing it. All that came up was "how to stop counting calories and still lose weight". The intention of weight loss is the whole problem our society is so obsessed with calories and macronutrients. It is weight loss or an innocent "healthy eating journey" that usually gets us into this mess. The recipe for a food and body obsession The recipe for this obsession is this. Take a society that is obsessed with small bodies, t[...]
People always ask me how I stopped binge eating. It is one of the most vulnerable things to admit for me, but for years I struggled with binge eating in secret. I remember my first binge like it was yesterday. For about one year, I followed a strict diet of mostly plant-based foods and cold-pressed juices. I was exercising for up to 3 hours, 4-5 days per week and was in a big caloric deficit. One morning, I woke up and felt a very primal sense of hunger. Not only was my tummy rumbling, I[...]
Is it allowed to set health goals while trying to recover from an eating disorder, disordered eating and/or chronic dieting? How do you know if your goal setting is coming from a place of self-care and self-acceptance? How do you know it isn’t the old eating disorder voice, telling you to shrink yourself in the name of health? It truly is a fine line to balance out health and well-being and to separate goal setting from rigid rules, developing compulsive behaviours or damaging our ment[...]
[Disclaimer: The content of this article is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, health care or eating disorder treatment.] Our bodies fluctuate throughout our lifetime. We will probably not be the same size forever and that is completely normal. However, if we put ourselves through a period of excessive dieting, restricting food, binge eating, emotional eating or excessive exercise, the fluctuation will be much more[...]
[Disclaimer: This article is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, mental health care or eating disorder treatment.] You finally made the choice to pursue recovery from your eating disorder or disordered eating behaviors. Maybe you hit rock bottom or something happened that you took as a sign to finally embark on this journey. You have fought your demons and the old voices that tell you to keep shrinking your body. You have had enough[...]
[Disclaimer: The content of this article is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, health care or eating disorder treatment.] Recovering from an eating disorder or disordered eating is one of the hardest challenges I ever put myself through. The daily struggle, especially at the beginning, the shame about giving up a piece of your identity... There is so many challenges that come with recovery, but I absolutely believe that a full reco[...]
If you have ever struggled with binge eating, you can probably relate: Your alarm goes off and you are in a haze. What happened last night? You need a few seconds to realize that you still feel sick to your stomach. Your eyes and face feel puffy and you don’t even want to look in the mirror and see the damage. Your guilt is weighing you down, before you even got out of bed. All you want to do is shut the blinds and sleep forever. You probably made a promise to yourself last night that you won[...]
Dear 18-year old Rini, Here is a very heartfelt letter from your future self. You have just finished high school, which given your laziness in class is actually quite the miracle. Now, you are about to have the most amazing summer with all of your friends. You will stay up with your friends until 6 in the morning every other day. You will cycle home on your bike while watching the sunrise and feeling absolutely free and invincible. Make sure you are present every single moment, because ten years[...]