How to become more Self-Confident – My Top Mindset Hacks
Lately, people have been asking me the following question:
“How did you become so confident in yourself after going through so much self-doubt and feelings of failure in the past? How can I become more self-confident?”
While I am happy to hear that I come across as confident, I also know that I worked very hard to rebuild my self-esteem, because it was at a zero. You see, I grew up in a family that valued modesty, avoided tough conversations and shied away from criticism. I was raised to be a sheep and follow the herd, instead of standing up for myself and swimming upstream.
I was also taught to not be “too full of myself”. That it’s a slippery slope to go from confidence to arrogance. There is some truth to the fact that confidence can come across as arrogance. That is why I have a different approach when it comes to my own self-esteem: Self-awareness and mindset.
Your mindset is everything when it comes to self-esteem and self-confidence.
In this article, I am going to share 3 useful mindset hacks and tips that will help you:
- Stop doubting yourself and your abilities
- Learn how to appear more confident and stand up for what you believe in
- Move away from trying to be someone you’re not, just to please those around you
Mindset Hack Number 1: Stop giving other people’s opinions power over you
How many people in your life have strong opinions that they hold over you? In my case, my parents, close family members and a couple of (former) friends held me back for the longest time.
They made me doubt my every move when it came to my business, my relationships and generally any decision I was trying to make. I would always wonder: “What would so-and-so think?!”
Spoiler alert: None of their opinions will matter 50 years from now. It would be sad if 50 years from now, you look back at your life and wonder why you didn’t take that trip. Or, why you didn’t marry that person you loved. Or, why you didn’t take the risk to quit your job and start your dream-business.
And guess what, Susie from high school or your mom probably forgot all about it. They were just voicing their opinion and you chose to give your power away to them. This is what I tell myself every single day, especially when I face situations with people that made me doubt myself in the past. Their opinions don’t matter, because they are not the ones who get to live my life. My life matters and I am the one living it.
Mindset Hack Number 2: Don’t be afraid to set strong boundaries
Are you letting other people walk all over you? I feel you, because I used to be this person. It’s a tough thing to say “no” to people, because you don’t want to disappoint them. I get it.
However, I want you to realize that by letting other people walk all over you, you will eventually start resenting them. The irony is that these people probably don’t even know they make you feel this way, because you never told them… right? (I am over here raising both hands, because this used to be me!)
Sound familiar? I want to introduce you to a beginner’s guide to setting boundaries and standing up for yourself:
The best way to start is by asking yourself: What does my gut tell me? Is this person being unreasonable? Do I feel used, overwhelmed or stressed out by their request or by what they said to me? If the answer is yes, simply start by saying “no” more.
If it isn’t a “HECK YES!” it should be a respectful “no”. It can also be a respectful “I am sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about this/doing this. I ask that you support and respect my boundaries”. Start small and set boundaries in a way that feels right in your gut.
The more boundaries you set, the more confident you will become in yourself. In turn, it will get easier and more intuitive to set those boundaries wherever you need to in your life. It does a heck of a lot for your self-esteem.
Mindset Hack Number 3: Stop being someone you’re not
Have you heard of limiting beliefs? It’s something I still deal with to this day, but what helps me overcome my limiting beliefs and my fears is to remember my values.
I encourage you to ask yourself: Am I showing up as my true self in the world? Or am I following suit on somebody else’s values?
When asking myself these questions, I realized that I was the sheep. I was trying to emulate and please people in my life I looked up to for all the wrong reasons. For example, I put my appearance over everything else, just because my friends and inner circle at the time did the same.
In reality, I don’t value other people for their looks. I value them for their honesty, loyalty and positivity.
Those are the values I want to portray and live. Those are the values that matter to me. So, I stood up for what I believed in. I stopped pursuing a perfect body and instead, focused on connecting with people that shared my values.
The more you show up as your authentic self, the more confident you will feel within yourself. Once you feel more confident, you will also stop giving your power away to other people’s opinions (See Mindset Hack #1).
Mindset Hack Number 4: Feed off of gratitude
instead of negativity
Lastly, being grateful made me a lot more confident. It constantly nurtures my self-esteem in the best way possible if I remind myself of all the things I am grateful for.
Surround yourself with grateful, positive people and practice gratitude for your life, in order to feel more self-confident. I promise that this stuff really works!
Here is a quick summary of all the mindset hacks I shared, because they will help you become more self-confident:
- Stop giving your power away to other people’s opinions
- Set clear boundaries with others
- Stand up for your true self and push through your limiting beliefs
- Be grateful instead of resentful